Hello,

I own a 17 year old Morgan gelding, and we compete in PT80 (Canadian level) eventing. He's quite a challenge to ride, in that he tends to hold a grudge, and he seems to like bulging a shoulder and finding new, inventive ways to evade. The last time someone else rode him a few weeks ago (fellow dressage rider), they dismounted saying, "I tip my hat to you for sticking with him."

I know that with horses, it's very important to never show emotion when you make a correction- simply show them another way without getting angry or frustrated. I know the importance of keeping calm, relaxed, sympathetic, and patient.

I tend to be a bit of a tense, worrier/perfectionist type, though, and doing all of the above is very hard for me. Sometimes, I feel very relaxed and content and have a great, almost meditative ride. But if my horse and I are having a bit of an off day, I sometimes get frustrated and have a hard time keeping patient. I feel that I really need to get over this before he can really trust me; we definitly have a connection but I don't think he completely trusts me yet (which I understand, and I feel terrible for it).

I'm always told to do this:

Breathe deeply, stay relaxed through my whole body, and take a break. Reflect on what I'm doing wrong that is causing him to react (I don't think it's ever the horses fault), and try something else that we do well until we are ready to try again.

I know to do that, and I am getting better about it, but it's just not that easy for me. If I can feel it turning a bit sour, I have the hardest time in the whole world taking a break- I feel like I MUST work through it or the world will collapse. Even when I do take a break, and I reflect on what's happening, when I go back to the trouble spot, it still starts again.

How can I stay emotionless and not frustrated while I ride? It never happens during lessons; just when I school by myself. It happens every few weeks; mostly everything is fine but sometimes it's just a bad day and I don't know how to handle that and not take it personally.

Thank you for your time and advice!

P.S.- That's us schooling in the attachment at the top of the page.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone?

If you're feeling frustrated your horse is most likely picking up on that, not at all helping the situation. Is it possible to school in a different location? I worked for a small event barn years ago. We would take her own horses to different farms to school them in different situations, kept them fresh. The one I used to hack (on a rigid schedule of x amount of min. trotting, cantering, hills etc.) when I was out on the trails or fields I would work on bending, shoulder in, haunches in, all kinds of stuff when I was out on the hack, plus he tended to be a bit spooky so it kept his mind off of all the monsters when I made him think. Maybe a change of scenery would help you relax?

May I first say BROVO! Because you are a well aware rider who understands whats happening and that is the most important part! Plus you understand that most errors are human made and not horse made! Another huge part! Everyone has their off days! Not every ride has to be perfect, not every ride has to be practice practice practice, I know you are always schooing your horse on and off of him but you can go in with a easy goal, like something your good at, just a refresher, or maybe trot poles, go on a trail ride ect ect. When I get that way I just remember I ride for enjoyment, we ride because we love it, don't get too hard on yourself.
WEll maybe I dont' have loads of advice but I know where your coming from!

Have you read "Centered Riding" the first book by Sally Swift? The imagery helps with all the things you mentioned.
Another thing Sally says that has really changed the way I ride, is to always keep at least 75% of your focus on yourself, not the horse. It works! We don't realize how every tiny thing we do is a signal to the horse, so it can be like a constant barrage of confusing, conflicting demands and requests. Keeping most of our attention on ourselves turns down the volume and reduces the static. The 25% is plenty!
You mentioned "not SHOWING emotion" - that's good, but you may find when you are thinking less about the horse, you may not even FEEL frustrated or angry.
Hope this helps

Hello,
Wow, it seems I could have written that post! I also an aware mentally of what I have to do, am very driven to do it, but sometimes become frustrated with my horse and myself. What I have learned in the past few months working with a new trainer and observing and absorbing information is that in the beginning, you have to allow those emotions to come forward and harness them.

I was sooooo embarrassed the first time I was so frustrated in a lesson that I started to cry, but you know what, it helped! Lately, when I am schooling by myself I have music playing to help my stay relaxed. But I still have those moments when my horse refuses to work to my (probably too high) standards. I have learned to use that frustration to draw energy to correct and guide him. And as I allow myself to be frustrated and figure out what is making me frustrated, I've become far less worried and frustrated and tense during my rides. I know that if he bucks I'll stay on. I know that we were doing half pass last week and can do it again tomorrow, even if we can't do it today. I know that if I can't even get him to bend I can go out on a trail ride and just relax a little (something I never used to do).

Riding is about becoming one with your horse in mind, body and spirit, that includes in emotions.

I teach riders to look at this problem from a dancer's perspective. If a dancer brings the problems of life to the dance floor, the dance will be racked with flaws. So it is with a rider. You must approach and ride the horse as if it is your dance partner and leave the real world behind. Revele in the dance rather than wallow in the ride or lesson, let your heart guide you and not your head. So when you go to your horse disengage brain, engage heart. Good luck and keep on riding.

I know what you mean. I usually get frustrated when I don't know what to do to make something better. So I try to go back and do simple things that are easy for both me and the horse, and lower my expectations a bit. Which is still hard to do, especially when I'm really set on trying to improve on something.

Someone told me once that I should try to laugh at (or with) my horse more often instead of getting frustrated. That doesn't mean you can't still be serious about something and still try to achieve a goal! It means that you will be able to get your mind off of things quicker and not get so worked up over things very fast. You simply chuckle and try again.

I admit it doesn't work *all* the time, but it is something to keep in mind!!!

We've all felt frustration while working with horses. It feels bad to lose your temper even in a small way. Some time ago, I read that frustration and anger happen when a rider runs out of strategies or tools to fix a problem but doesn't realize it. It sounds simple, but it was a light-bulb moment for me. And now, when a tiny twing of frustration appears, I stop and think: what am I trying to accomplish? what is the horse feeling from me? what exactly am I doing? where is my position? why isn't he understanding? Thinking this through with these and other questions helps me--I relax and feel better because I'm working out the puzzle. In the end, the horse and I remain friends and I feel good about my ride.

Try not to drink coffee, soft drinks with caffeine or any other stimulant some three or four hours before you go to work with a horse.
For many people, those may be enough to put them over the edge, unless you do want that edge to compete, like in cross country, where you can focus that extra zip and wear it out on the job, not on nerves.

I had an instructor once who trained at the Neindorf Institute. She insisted that I smiled when I rode. To remind me to do this she would periodically stop me and say "If this isn't fun for you, then you can bet it isn't fun for the horse. So if it isn't fun for you, get off."

It was my real first revelation that riding could be serious work and fun at the same time. And that it needed to be both. When it is, those are my best rides. Just the act of smiling makes a difference in my attitude.

Did you coach happen to live in N Scotia?

I use this technique for controlling emotions while I am riding. I also use this for competition when I ought to be a little nervous. I use it to release tension, so I don't in turn make my horse nervous. I use it to tune out the audience. This technique is kind of helpful, the mu-shin no shin. Mushin is something my Aikido Sensei always talked about. It is a state into which very martial artists are said to enter during combat. The term means "mind
of no mind". That is, a mind not fixed or occupied by thought or emotion and thus open to everything.

When I use Sally Swift's soft eyes on the horse, I feel like I am in this state, of no mind. I center myself on the horse with deep breathing. I let my tension evaporate. I've used this technique to tune out the
crowd watching me. I use it prevent me from telegraphing emotions to my mount. I have used it for a lot of sports, including shooting sports and range requalification tests, when I should have been a little nervous, but wasn't. I use this a lot, so I don't care about the crowd. This helps me not be nervous. In Mushin there is no anger, thoughts, fear or ego. Only reaction,and feeling intuitively. I have found that my martial arts training has been helpful for riding a horse, and compeition.

I find that being around a horse, that in itself controls my emotions. They are so intune to how we are feeling that you just can't go out there and expect to act around them as you would around other people!
When I do get frustrated though, I take a bunch of deep breaths and take a few steps away from my horse for a few moments...go out stretch take some more deep breaths and then return to the horse, who by this time is wondering where I went and why! Then I continue on with what I was doing. Humor I find is the greatest way to control my emotions around a horse though...things that normally frustrate me turn into something like "goofy critter, too bad you didn't understand english...we would have been done with this an hour ago!" Lol! And when things really heat up, I just totally forget what we are doing for a moment, and go back to something we DO know, and have fun with that for a while, then when we are both settled down, we return to where we were at before...that helps IMMENSELY! Gives us both a chance to think about things, and yet we are not really leaving something, we are simply taking a break and coming back to it in a little while, after we have both taken a chill pill...and eaten a few apple wafers, and some chocolate!Lol!

Hey,

I feel the same ways somedays too I also ride a Morgan, And he can be super challenging some days. But like others say you have to leave all the tenses of the day in the tack room and just start fresh. If you start a ride frusterated or thinking "whats going to happen today" your horse will pick up on it. My morgan is VERY intuned to me and If i feel abit off that day it shows in our riding, Have you tried streching exercises while deep breathin? That always helps with me, It gets my body relaxed and my mind into perspective. BTW your morgan is goregous. Keep us updated.

Chrissy