So my horse is going beautifully, solid Training level.  I can't afford to show right now, so we are venturing into unknown territory, aka some First Level stuff.  I have never advanced beyond Training with any horse, EVER.  I have an awesome college girl who just started moving her mare to Second Level riding with me a few times a week and helping me a TON.  We have an amazing time and I feel my horse and I getting a little better every single ride, and I am happy, and I love riding.

 Fire her faster than you can think about it.  Seriously.  I would never allow someone to say something like that about my horse in such an unprofessional manner.  YOU are allowing her to do this to you.  I understand that it's a complicated situation, but it's not going to stop until you step up, take a deep breath, take the heat, and move on.  Let her yell and scream and be mad and then move on and do what makes you happy.  Life is too short to put up with that crap.  The choice is not an easy one but it is a simple one and the only one who can change it is you.

I completely agree with Solaris! I don't throw my two cents in that often, but for some reason I feel your pain on this one. You need a trainer who is on the same page as you are. This one is not! Despite the family connection, you need to separate yourself from the trainer/student relationship. I totally agree that if it is not 'fun' it's not worth it. If Digger is getting confused and frustrated it will eventually sour him to the work all together. I do believe we need to push ourselves and our horses toward improvement, but at a pace we are comfortable with. Hang in there and give this trainer the boot!

Oh, and P.S.; I don't have a very trained eye, but I don't think you and Digger look like 'crap' in that video! You look good. The only thing I noticed is that he does come a bit behind the verticle, but that is fixable by working on pushing him more forward and up from back to front. I think that is a common issue that we all fight with at training level, turning on the motor in the hind end. I loved Solaris' analogy my horse's hind end hanging out there as a decoration. I deal with it too!

You said that she WAS--past tense--married to your father for 10 yrs. She no longer is, correct? If she no longer is family, dump her. You don't even have to see her anymore. If someone said to me the things she said to you, "I" sure wouldn't want to see her.

Did it take you guys a long time to go from a mellow, soft frame to proper collection? I know I need to push him harder, but he has had such a hard life and been mistreated I just want us both to be happy and enjoy our time together. We are getting it at the trot, but because I need work on my sitting trot, I have him going kind of slowly until I can sit better. I know she will freak when she sees how slow we are trotting, but its really all either one of us can do at the moment, I push him out a bit for a few strides, then have to slow down to get more balanced.  We are getting our right lead canter, but the left lead is still pretty jumbled.  Its just wild how happy I can be with our progress UNTIL I work with her.  This particular horse needs a lot of finesse, you cant just keep increasing the pressure on him until he caves, you have to work with him. I don't know, maybe they are all like that.... Just a short conversation with her on the phone has caused me to be upset all morning, and I was so happy last night.

FocusCalmPatience:

Did it take you guys a long time to go from a mellow, soft frame to proper collection?

Sorry, I'm getting him working off his haunches more, with his poll lifted higher.  Closer to collection, more of a first level type frame.  Light in my hands and carrying himself more uphill, I assume if I were watching from the ground he would have more hock action and look more "compact."  Thanks so much for your advice 48NF! And everyone else too! I get so discouraged when I work with her.  I worry that I really have "ruined" him.  She wants him really collected and moving uphill like an upper level horse, but I just have no idea how to do that, and he isn't used to working like that. 

FocusCalmPatience:

Her response to this video is that my horse looks like a western pleasure horse and that we should be much further along. I will try to get another one with our progress soon!

1)  if she thinks that looks like a western pleasure horse, she hasn't a clue what she is talking about.

2)  if she would get upset about you going to a clinic another trainer is hosting, there is something wrong with her.  you want to learn, not copy.  learning is about reading and watching and being taught by different people, so, you can take what you want from them and form your own conclusions.

3)  frustration and anger from a teacher is wrong, wrong, wrong!!  i don't know exactly what she does to your horse, but i wouldn't let her within 10 feet of my horse, from your description.  i wouldn't let her within 10 feet of me for that matter.

4)  she is not your mother and even if she was you are an adult (aren't you?) and you can choose to spend your time with whom you want and give your money to anyone you want.  so, if you want to go to a clinic or try a different trainer or just go for a ride with someone who might teach you a thing or two, it's NONE of her business.

5)  she is not family. she and your father are divorced!  if she is anything to you, it should be a friend.  friends are people who pull you up, not drag you down.  if you are actually close like you say, she should support your desire to learn and improve yourself, not, cut you down because she can't brainwash you into a version of her.  she sounds like a delight. wonder why they got divorced?

6)  i think she needs therapy.

remember: people treat you the way you train them to treat you.  & when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

i thought your horse looked very nice in the video, by the way.

 Yes, FCP, taking a horse's outline to the next level is hard work for them and it is very slow.  It takes a LONG time to build those muscles, and we're talking a lot longer than weeks or a few months.  You will make the changes slowly and by increments, not by her dragging him into it.  Take your time, don't worry about what she wants, she is a bully.  Horses do forgive but they rely on US to advocate for them.

Is she this controlling with everyone close to her?

I'm sitting here wondering if she is trying to live vicariously through you (I think I remember you writing in a post a while back that her health isn't so great anymore?), or if she is just trying to control you. 

Either way, you need to set some limits. Easier said than done, but she is not in the position of power over you that she was once.

 You  are in control of your life now. You're an adult, you're married, you have a job. 

My barn owner gives me all sorts of advice that I'm not about to take. When he pushes (which thankfully isn't all that often), I just smile, thank him, and say that I'm going to try something different but I'll keep his advice in mind if this way doesn't work.

Granted, he doesn't start yelling at me if I don't do things his way, but that is because he respects that I'm the owner of my horses and I get to decide what path to take.

If you can do it, I highly  recommend listening to her rant, thanking her for sharing her opinion, and tell her you'll keep it in mind. Whatever you do, don't get upset. If she's yelling at you, just stand there with a blank look on your face. 

It won't be easy, but once you've shown her that she can't push your buttons, she'll most likely start to back off.  If for no other reason than she'll see it as a waste of time. 

 

I agree with 48, you are mistaking collection with being on the aids, rounding up, coming onto the bit, working off the haunches, or whatever you want to call it.  In Dressage terms, collection is the shortening of and the elevation of the stride.  A horse who is correctly collected will not only be taking shorter strides, it will also be lifting its legs higher.  This isn't something your horse is ready for yet. 

What you should be working on is getting your horse good and solid in his working paces.  Going forward in a steady rhythem at all three paces, getting his leads correctly every time, and giving to your hands and legs.  Then you start asking for more energy from the hindquarters with your legs and contain it with your hands, this is what causes the horse to lower his hindquarters, step more under himself, break at the poll and bring his face to the vertical.  However, it takes time to build up the muscles so that the horse can hold himself in this frame for any length of time.  You have to know how to correctly ask for this and how it feels so that you can teach your horse properly.  And to do that, you need a different instructor. 

So go to that clinic and look for an instructor with whom your share training methods to take lessons from.  I don't know what your former stepmother's problem is, but with the stress she is causing you, you need to distance yourself from her.  Find another barn and move your horse if you think she might try to force her way of teaching on your horse when you aren't there.  You might get along better with her if you weren't in what should be a professional business type relationship, where she understands that if her methods aren't working with you and your horse, it's time to find someone whose methods are different and more suited to your particular horse and rider combination. 

Good luck.

Spotted Pony

 

Ok I'm going to add my input - seeing as I did a critique on your pony - from the youtube you are to be congratulated on the going of your horse - you would fair very well here in Aus at first level no problem at all - I would just say dont let your reins get too long and try not to get behind the movement - on your canter transition you got a little left behind - the transition itself was smooth - he could go a little more forward as he looks a little strung out at times - but the length of your reins would not be helping there for 1st level and even 2nd level you do not need to bring him any further "up" into a frame what you have is sufficient - you have consistent contact and he is working on the bit - you have a nice position - ride from your legs first -

Your instructor - what can I say - GET RID OF HER!

 You dont ride to be abused or demoralised - you ride to enjoy the experience and learn as much as you can - no one has the right to treat a student like that and I certainly would NEVER let her on my horses back!

Well done keep it going but find someone else to help you

 

 

Thanks guys for all of your help! We ended up not schooling because her truck broke down, I was not too upset.  AMM- The way your horse looks in your sig is the way she wants me to ride him, with his poll higher and more hock action.  I don't even begin to know how to accomplish that!  I don't think Digger knows either! 

Neither you nor Digger need to know how to do that for some time. Regardless of what you ex-stepmom says, that frame is WAY far ahead of you right now. It's ahead of ME, too, with all of my mares. I agree with Spotted Pony: collection is a kind of frame than compacts the body so that the horse can elevate his strides. AMM's horse is in a frame that allows that. 

i'm curious.  the pic of amm's horse with the head held high.  would you eventually expect any horse to do that or does it depend on their confirmation and/or breed.

my horse holds his head low.  while he is light in the mouth and tucks his head nice, i'm not sure i can see him bringing his head up like that.  his head comes up like that when he's looking at something or about to spook.

he's green, i certainly wouldn't expect it anytime soon anyway, but, i am just curious if i would ever be expecting it from him. 

and, he's built almost exactly like digger, so, that's why i am asking in this thread.