I had the same problem (but FINALLY got over it lol). I too never had fustration problems in a lesson, only when I was schooling and it was because I had someone else keeping ME busy on keeping the HORSE busy, and someone to gives me advice on what to do if something went wrong (because I didn't always think correctly right away).

What I would do was just go down to a walk and throw the reins away, no contact at all. I would either hold the reins with one hand and put the other hand on my thigh, or put both hands on my thighs and not hold the reins. This prevented me from pulling on the horse's mouth. I would walk and do TONS of circles and serpentines (neck rein), and anything I could do without having to have contact with the horse's mouth.

I found that if I hopped off that I did not calm down as quick as I did when I just walked around. Then I go back to very simple work with light contact, but no transitions (prevents on pulling on the mouth when fustrated).

I still have a few emotional problems here and there, but I have it better uncontrol now. I had to take a few months off of riding, and I think it helped me personally.

I'm not sure if this willl help but this is what I went through. I found out #1 it is not the horse's fault, they are just reacting to what has been done with them. #2 On the days I can tell we just won't 'get it' that day I don't quit and go for a trail ride, I don't want to give him the idea that if he fights I will give up, but I will REALLY scale back what I am expecting of him. Some days I have spent 1 hour walking and trotting. Since I didn't try something I was fairly sure I wouldn't get that day I avoided us getting into a fight

This is such an interesting and important topic, as you can see from all the notes written about it. I thought you'd like to know that Jane Savoie is writing an article for our Sept. issue on just this topic--controlling your frustration/emotion when riding. We've all been there!

Patty

Patricia Lasko
Editor, Dressage Today

I'm exactly the same. Alot of times, we have the most wonderful of rides where we're connected and everything is going great. Other days, say when I have something on my mind or we're having an off day, we look horrible. Her hind end isn't engaged, she's not using her back, we're not mentally "connected". If this is so, I take a walk break and try to relax.(I take walk breaks every time she gives me something nice, its essential they are rewarded this way, because it provides a chance for their muscles to loosen and let go of any tension, allowing them to continue providing that high degree of collection,for dressage like me or whatever discipline you may be in) If we're having an absolutely horrible day, I get off when I can settle for "something" decent that I know we can do, go get a drink of water, cool off my frustrations, and then get back on to finish what I started. That has helped me numerous times!!! I hope that helps! good luck <3

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Hello,

I own a 17 year old Morgan gelding, and we compete in PT80 (Canadian level) eventing. He's quite a challenge to ride, in that he tends to hold a grudge, and he seems to like bulging a shoulder and finding new, inventive ways to evade. The last time someone else rode him a few weeks ago (fellow dressage rider), they dismounted saying, "I tip my hat to you for sticking with him."

I know that with horses, it's very important to never show emotion when you make a correction- simply show them another way without getting angry or frustrated. I know the importance of keeping calm, relaxed, sympathetic, and patient.

I tend to be a bit of a tense, worrier/perfectionist type, though, and doing all of the above is very hard for me. Sometimes, I feel very relaxed and content and have a great, almost meditative ride. But if my horse and I are having a bit of an off day, I sometimes get frustrated and have a hard time keeping patient. I feel that I really need to get over this before he can really trust me; we definitly have a connection but I don't think he completely trusts me yet (which I understand, and I feel terrible for it).

I'm always told to do this:

Breathe deeply, stay relaxed through my whole body, and take a break. Reflect on what I'm doing wrong that is causing him to react (I don't think it's ever the horses fault), and try something else that we do well until we are ready to try again.

I know to do that, and I am getting better about it, but it's just not that easy for me. If I can feel it turning a bit sour, I have the hardest time in the whole world taking a break- I feel like I MUST work through it or the world will collapse. Even when I do take a break, and I reflect on what's happening, when I go back to the trouble spot, it still starts again.

How can I stay emotionless and not frustrated while I ride? It never happens during lessons; just when I school by myself. It happens every few weeks; mostly everything is fine but sometimes it's just a bad day and I don't know how to handle that and not take it personally.

Thank you for your time and advice!

P.S.- That's us schooling in the attachment at the top of the page.

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I couldn't have said it better myself! I too am struggling with this problem. I am starting to figure it out though. What seams to help me is that when i start to feel frusterated i take a walk break and then go back to something i KNOW we can do. And then end on a good note and pick back up the next day. I know its easier said than done stopping when you want so badly to get it right. One thing i always have to keep in mind is that progress (especially in dressage) is never linear. Good Luck!! And remeber that riding should be FUN.

I am new to this forum. Reading this post made me join because i can relate to what you all are saying and the suggestions are going to be helpful for me too.

I've done some research myself on this topic (but can't wait for Janie's article!) and for me it comes down to mental skill training and being internally instead of externally focused. Internal - it's about achieving for achievement's sake (how much better I rode this movement today than yesterday), instead of working towards winning a ribbon or other external factors (impressing my friends, my husband, my trainer!). Good luck!

I just wanted to add that I am going to a horse trial this weekend and of course, whilst trying to practice my dressage test, ended up having the ride from h@ll because I was allowing myself to get emotional. I came back to this and got a lot of encouragement and good techniques to work on and keep myself cool. Thanks everyone for sharing!!!

Horses are just like children and easily pick up on and mirror or respond to our emotions. I have some tense days and sometimes fears (from bad experiences with a previous horse). I have a very supportive friend/instructor. When I have my wound up emotional states, she takes me back to walking. I can do WTC, small jumps, hours of trail rides across various terrain. Yet, when fear grips me, I go back to leading my horse on the ground, then getting on and walking for a while then a series of walk halt walk halt. Then if I feel better I go on to trot, etc. I do alot of warm up with very loose reins at a walk. And always try to end on a good note.
I have a Morgan, also, Lippitt bred, just turned 7. He's grown up alot this past year and we're doing so much better than I ever have with any other horse. He is becoming a close partner and that feels so good. Sometimes he takes care of me when I am fearful, if I just loosen the reins and don't grip.
It's interesting that to get the best out of your horse you have to let go. Anyone ever seen the Walter Zettle videos? I think Sylvia Loch has the same philosophy. You have to be relaxed and giving and then the horse can, too.

That is so apropos MorganRider, thanks! The first instinct is to grip harder when, in fact, just letting go gets so much better results. Thanks for the reminder on Walter, I have his book and will open it up tonight!

I used to get the worst nerves for auditions and performances, bordering on panic attacks, but it never transfered to riding. To get it under control, I would listen to what I call bubblegum music, something light and upbeat. For riding, I would just strecth, and work on what was bothering me.

Aha! Someone else with a frustrating horse!!! I've recently began to understand one of my geldings a lot better, and it is helping with the frustration. He basically gets bored! When he does something I would normally get upset at, I stop and make myself say, "HMMM, HOW INTERESTING!" I then try to think about why he is doing what he is doing.
If I switch it up and do something different - something HE thinks is fun, many times, it will change his mood and he will be such a more enjoyable ride. For instance - he is very lazy and doesn't like to go forward. I put a bucket of oats at each end of the arena and pointed him to the bucket. When he got there, he couldn't believe he could actually eat the oats. I would let him eat a couple of bites, then turn him to the other bucket - in the turns I would work on turn on the forehand or turn on the haunches. By the end of the session, he was cantering to the other bucket by barely touching his sides. Believe it or not, I had a great time too! I took him by such surprise, in our regular schooling sessions the rest of the week, he worked wonderfully! Now, I am not one for bribery, and this was a one time shot for him, but I try to throw something he thinks is interesting every once in awhile, and then he tries a lot harder for me. By the way, some of these ideas came from the Parelli program. I ride fairly traditionally, but use a lot of natural horseman philosophy.
By the way, I am sure you didn't mean you wanted to be emotionless while riding - because I think we all really just want to have FUN and feel good about what we are accomplishing!

What a novel idea! I think we should use whatever motivates the horse and gives good results. I like to change it up to, we go on a long trail ride with friends one day, then do dressage another, then put up some crossrails to trot over. Keeps us both fresh.

You are on the right track with taking a break, but could it be that your horse is just plain not ready for what you're asking? I have 1/2 Morgan mare (now semi-retired) who would get very flustered everytime she thought she couldn't do something. Her trot would get short and quick, and she would be a nervous wreck, afraid of some imaginary ax to fall, I guess. So, I started keeping treats in my pocket. I would ask for something easy, give a little tidbit. Ask for something a little harder, give a little more... by the time the really hard thing came up she was ready to turn herself inside out for me if I wanted her to. And as soon as we accomplished our goal for the day 3 times, the final "treat" was getting off and being put away. Gradually, I decreased the goodies, varying the rate of reinforcement, and she tried harder. To this day, she is 25, sound, and still willing to give it her all everytime she's asked, and she only gets treats in her stall when she's done, unless we get something absolutely unbelievable.

 Use the powere of imaging.  Sit someplace quiet preferably outdoors.  lose your eyes.  Imagine going to the barn getting your horse grooming tacking up and then begin yor ride.  The first time you do this only imagine you and your horse walking.  All is well and peacefull.  After your walk take your horse back untack groom and out away then got back to the house.  Now open your eyes and reflect on your wonderful peacefulride.  The nest day repeat and maybe add a little jog or trot work.  The next day repeat and add more trot and a circle and possible some transitions.  Each day in your imagined ride add a little more difficulty.  As you increas your difficulty add the dtails of your position your horses movement balance etc.  After a week or two adda challenging movement and have it go perfectly as you ride perfectly.   Finally add a spook or disobedience from you rhorse and maintain you peaceful quiet response as you guide your horse back to the movement and obedience. 

The question was asked in 2005.  I'm sure by now she's found an answer!