Geesh it sounds to me the only issue here is your discouragement!  I can totally relate on and off taking lessons over the years and now in our 30s still at it.  I used to get frustrated but now I healthily realize riding takes work and lots and lots of practice.....years and years of it!!!  The best advice I ever read (It was in a seminar) is to never get frustrated and set goals.  When you set goals make the time frame to achieve them a full year.  Then if you achieve those goals quicker you can be PROUD and pat yourself on the back.  After all we do this for fun and the love of the horses right?!?!  Relax, practice practice practice the basic stuff (it can always be better), set realistic goals with realistic time frames, and most of all enjoy the horses and be MOST focused on being a good horseman!  Good luck to you and keep your head up and focused!

 I started taking lessons in my mid-20s.  At first, I took western lessons because that is what is common where I live.  I started off with a great instructor, but then I moved.  My next instructor wasn't as ... structured, and I quit taking lessons for a few years.

 When I went back to lessons, I decided I wanted to ride english. It took me a while, but I finally found an instructor who said she could teach me english.  She didn't have a covered arena, so weather limited our lessons over the years.  Like you, I really felt like I wasn't progressing like I should, but attributed it to the sporadic lessons.  She eventually moved away and after a few years, I found another instructor.

 In the mean time, I had bought a horse and continued to ride on my own, practicing the lessons that the previous instructor had taught me.

Come to find out, she really didn't know what she was talking about.  My current instructor has spent the better part of 2+ years breaking me of habits the first english instructor instilled in my head (and muscles). 

It's really frustrating. I now own two horses, and while I enjoy riding, I frequently wonder how much better I'd be if I had received good instruction from the start.  Instructor #1 (the western instructor) taught me great safety lessons and gave me a really solid foundation.  Instructor #2 ... well, those lessons were forgettable, but I'm sure I gained something out of them. Instructor #3 helped me buy my first horse, so I have her to thank for that if nothing else (he's a great horse with nice movement and a great temperament).

In general, I try to put the frustrations behind me.  Other than being aware that past lessons may be impacting my ability to ride now, there really isn't anything to be gained from dwelling on all of it.  I ride for my enjoyment, so there really isn't any timetable. I don't really want to compete, so my goals are purely for me.

Some weeks I'll have a really great lesson, and then then have a not-so-great one the next week. That's ok with me, as long as I continue to enjoy it most of the time. 

 By the way, I agree that pilates are boring ;).  I do it anyway because of the benefits, but I'd rather be running. Or riding.

It would be tough to get one over it most especially if you are not able to come to senses and accept what things need to be done.  And more importantly, it would matter if you could change and demonstrate how your view on how it is actually done would be affected by how it really is.  You just have to get back up, no matter how difficult and down you are feeling because you know this is what is needed.

 i agree with that

 I don't think you necessarily need to change instructors, take dressage lessons, or sign up for some private pilates classes.  All those things cost money, and it sounds to me like you're more suffering from a mental block from your own lack of confidence in riding.  While the fancy instructors, dressage lessons and pilates certainly would help build your riding strength, I don't really think that is the issue.  You're most likely tensing up in the saddle because of your fears from your past experiences or your self-doubt, which doesn't allow you to flow with the movement of the horse and you fall off.  

 I would suggest that you really work on your mental state when riding.  Don't be afraid to talk with your instructor, though it sounds like you already have a good communication plan with her.  Ask to ride horses that you feel confident on until you solidly are ready for a more challenging horse.  Set small goals for yourself.  Weekly, monthly, and yearly goals will help keep things in perspective.  And STOP comparing yourself to the other students.  

 For example, you're week 1 goal might be something so simple as you're going to work on setting your breathing rythym every 3 horse strides for an entire lesson.  Your next weekly goal might be to focus on not getting frustrated for your entire ride, etc.

Once you start achieving some of these small goals, you will feel a lot better about your riding.  Make sure you're having fun EVERY ride.  If you're not, take a moment to figure out what is making riding stressful or fearful for you and eliminate that problem.  

 My instructor's famous words are "lack of direction is punishment to a horse."  To provide adequate direction to your horse, you must be a confident rider.   Don't put up with instructors that use the "point and ride" method.  If you're doing an exercise, it should have a purpose.  If you're not clear on that purpose, ask the instructor to explain herself.  If you're doing a trot line, maybe the purpose is to keep a steady rhythm on the horse.  That should be clear to the student before every exercise.  

 Hope this helps!  I am just now regaining my own confidence after not having lessons for years.  You have to trust yourself, your instructor, and your horse.  Good luck!

 

 I agree (mostly) with nearly everyone who has posted so far. It is mostly mental, but there could be some physical things. #1 get theinner ear thing checked - I have heard of women who had changes in their balance after pregnancy.

It may also be that your body is just getting itself used to the new normal. Sort of like kids after a growth spurt - they need to get used to redistributed weight, center of gravity, etc. Be patient with yourself.

I also agree that pilates (and yoga!) could be helpful, since it seems that your biggest physical problem is with your balance. But it's not necessary to enroll in full-on lessons if your boot-camp regime can include balance work (maybe ask for more if they are accepting of suggestions). And yes, strength (especially in the core) is required for balance, but strenght alone will not give you good balance.

I also agree that "point and pray" instruction is not good instruction. From what I've seen on the forums, this used to be the most common. Well, actually many instructors (of all kinds of riding) would pay much more attention to the horse than the rider. As long as the horse wasn't wonky, they didn't really correct the rider's bad habits. I've been lucky in that my 2 long-term instructors were rider-focused. And it seems to be becoming more popular.

That said, I've been in your shoes (and sort of am right now!). I can't tell you how many times I've gone back to just walking for my entire lesson! And at one point I was schooling First Level dressage. Every time I get to that point (on the cusp of moving up to First), somethign seems to happen and I move back down to Intro (I was showing both Intro and Training last year, this year back to Intro only so far *sigh*). This year, I've had all sorts of issues with aches and pains (and the heat is affecting me more than past years - not good in TX!). My lesson on Saturday, in addition to the stiff lower back, there was something off in my balance. I was terribly frustrated with myself, because I was hoping to jump some cavalettis. But since I was not even posting well, I had to work on other things. (For some reason, I was fine trotting in the 2-pt, but seriously messing with the horse's balance when I tried to post.) And back in April, my lower back/right hip was so bad, we just cancelled my lesson, and I made it up another day. She tells me it's because I am getting stronger and adjusting to it.

I have 2 recommendations for further reading (LOL - not sure if you even read about riding!). Anything you read can (and probably should) be discussed with your instructor. First is Jane Savoie. Just about anythign she's written can be helpful, but you should try to find a copy (to buy or at the library) of That Winning Feeling. It's not a very long book, but has a lot of good sports psychology in it. Second, is a book my former instructor recently published, 40 Fundamentals of English Riding. It gives details of many basics that frequently get skipped over - as if we are somehow just supposed to learn them by being in the saddle.

Thank you to everyone who has posted in reply to my plea!  This Web site isn't optimized for iPhone, which is where I do most of my computering these days, so I had to wait to get on the actual PC with the keyboard. 

I cantered without stirrups the other day for the first time in 3 years, and have been jumping little crossrails and trotting series of cavaletti.  If I'm feeling brave, I do that without stirrups too (bouncy!!) 

As I had hoped, things have begun to improve.  I guess they were improving all along, but I'm at a point now where I can see it and feel it.   Also, a few pearls of wisdom, like the fact that it took Steffan Peters 10,000 hours of practice to"just sit there," have helped. My trainer urged me to change saddles which has improved things.  My own saddle tips me too far forward, which is bad for a person who tends to get ahead of things (I think subconsciously I'm trying to "help" the horse.) 

My balance is improved a lot--I can do "tree" pose in yoga again, for example.  For now, I think I'll defer lessons in Pilates or yoga.  I just can't afford it, frankly, and I looked into Pilates classes and they cost more than riding!!  I don't belong to a gym any more where I could drop into classes.  Right now, riding and boot camp are all I have time for, what with a job and a toddler. (I can't drop two days a week of boot camp to do something else--you pay for all five.)  I don't mean to insult anybody by saying I find Pilates boring.  I've never done Reformer work, and maybe I haven't had very inspiring teachers--who knows?  I know there are lots of people who love it.  I don't enjoy Spinning, either, and lots of people love that. (Just as an example.)

I used to also not think that balance required much muscle, until I got all stretched out through pregnancy and childbirth, and now I can say, yes, having good balance really DOES require a lot of muscle.  I really took my own strength for granted!

The funny thing is, re: mental blocks, that I always THOUGHT my lack of confidence was my problem, and beat myself up about it.  This past year, though, I've realized that there are things I could once do on a horse, that I no longer could.  That was a real surprise.  I think I mentioned the time I nearly fell off when my horse stumbled while I was cantering over some poles.  I was shocked (and unnerved.)  That was actually the incident that drove me to the boot camp classes.  I realized my riding wasn't getting better (enough) with just riding a couple of times a week and no other structured exercise to rebuild my core.  I wish lack of confidence WERE the problem--then I could just take baby steps to prove to myself that I could do things.

The problem with setting goals is that I have no idea what a realistic timetable is for anything.  This is an effect of never having ridden consistently.  If you had told me last year at this time, what I'd be working on now (essentially the same things, just refined....!) I don't know if I'd have been depressed.  I really envy people who can go out and do hunter paces and not die.  That's really what I would like to be able to do.  

Lastly, thanks for the reading recommendations.  I like to read.  And it's true, how so much of the time we're expected to just magically learn things with time in the saddle!  Doesn't always work.  Hmmm, maybe in this nice weather we're having, I'll finagle a way to get out on the trails....

 After my wife got a new horse five years ago, we went through a series of difficulties with the new horse and my wife's confidense to ride.

The Parelli program changed everything.  The new horse is now a dream horse - simple as that. The Parelli program taught us how to read the spooky and superficially trained horse and find the exercises to bring the horse and rider together. My horse, who was older and more advanced at the time, became even better in all aspects - to a level that still amazes me every day.

You will find that the Parelli horsemanship program is more comprehensive, information orientated than other approaches. The depth of the knowledge is put into straight forward approach where the rider advances from reading the horses personality type into playing games, creating a sound relationship and then building up the riding skills.

http://www.parellinaturalhorsetraining.com/

 Hannu

 

I've never tried Parelli myself, but I've heard lots of folks report that it has worked for them and their horses.  I'm glad you had success with it too.